


I Can Still Hear You Scream

by Tchalcons



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: (Someone suggest tags at me I've got nothing), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Typical Violence, Cisco Centric, F/M, I have a lot of feelings about last weeks episode and people saying Cisco will fall so, This is very Cisco & The Wests heavy but they have minimal lines lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 08:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10213187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tchalcons/pseuds/Tchalcons
Summary: ‘One shall fall.’Cisco had been getting stronger for so long. He’d learned to control his powers. He’d learned to do things with them he’d never imagined. And maybe, at the end of it all this was why. He’d been working for so long to save Iris, and the world had finally shown him why. He wasn’t supposed to find a way to save her, it would be a trade. His life for hers.





	

‘One shall betray you.’

Cisco hadn’t wanted to think it would be Caitlin, he didn’t want to admit it was even a possibility. Her powers were his worst fear come to life, ice creeping in his veins as power changed her, corrupted her, made her Killer Frost, bit by bit, slowly in the way he’d feared that he’d become Reverb.

He understood it, emotionally, why she’d done it. He still feared his powers at times, still wanted to run from them at his weakest moments. The fear of becoming Reverb had only started to ease when he’d started to trust himself, just a little more. When he’d begun to believe that maybe his powers didn’t define him. That maybe he could define his powers.

He couldn’t blame her for wanting a cure, to erase the risk, for an end to it all. He did blame her, for acting on it.

‘One shall fall.’

It was supposed to be Iris. Iris dead at Savitar’s hands, gone so close to the same way he’d died, the way Dante had died, the way Henry had gone. A blade through her heart instead of a hand, but the end result the same.

They’d all said maybe, just maybe there’d be a way to save her. They had to find a way. She was the heart of their team in so many ways, a good friend, someone they all loved so much, Barry most of all. 

She couldn’t be the one that they’d lose. They couldn’t come back from it if she was.

‘One will suffer a fate worse than death.’

Wally, pulled into the Speed Force, fighting and struggling against it, desperate to save himself and begging for Barry too. Wally, desperate to save his sister and unable to save himself, unable to be reached by any of them. It was a prison, it was purgatory and they’d lost him.

He’d taken Savitar’s place, in the realm that had driven him mad. 

They didn’t know if they could get him out, not until Savitar could take his place again, they didn’t know if they could make that happen, until they could beat Savitar.

Nobody knew how the hell to beat Savitar, Cisco, least of all.

He’d been comfortable in his role of Tech Support, as it had been mockingly called. He could be the brains of the operation, the engineer, the designer. He could be the one who helped keep things moving, could make them new tech. He was the one who made sure that when Barry needed something, he got it.

Life had been so much easier when that was all he had to do.

He had to find a way to save Iris

He had to find a way to bring Wally back.

He had to find a way to stop Savitar.

His life was crumbling into pieces, his adrenaline had never been higher. Stress was a constant, overwhelming factor in his life. 

Maybe that was why his vibes were stronger now than ever.

He couldn’t touch Wally’s suit without visions of him caught in the same whirling, twisting vortex of the Speed Force, screaming and tortured.

He couldn’t touch Savitar’s blade without being overwhelmed by it. He got glimpses of the speedster’s plan, of a location for the moment, his future and his past and everything else.

He woke at night, screaming against his pillow and drenched in a cold sweat. Iris died a thousand times over in his mind, always the same. 

Two days after Wally was taken it changed. Two days after Wally was taken, Savitar had Iris in his grasp, Barry was begging for him to spare her. It was all the same as it had been every time before. 

A breach opened. Iris was pulled through it.

Cisco felt Savitar’s blade tear through his chest. 

‘One shall fall.’

Cisco had been getting stronger for so long. He’d learned to control his powers. He’d learned to do things with them he’d never imagined. And maybe, at the end of it all this was why. He’d been working for so long to save Iris, and the world had finally shown him why. He wasn’t supposed to find a way to save her, it would be a trade. His life for hers.

It made sense, really. He’d died before, he’d seen Reverb die on Earth-2. His death had been shadowing him for so long, haunting his nightmares more often than not. He’d been ready to die back in Gorilla City, he’d been ready to die for HR, and maybe there was a reason for that too.

After all. What was his life, compared to Iris’s? He knew his value well, and knew she was the heart and soul of the team, the one person who kept Barry, who’d always be the hero from losing himself. She was brilliant, and like this, she could have a future. Joe wouldn’t lose his other child so soon, and the world would keep carrying on like it was supposed to.

It was the best decision. It was the right decision. If there was one thing he could believe, it was that.

 

He was tired of lies, he was tired of half truths and people protecting themselves, but Cisco didn’t tell the others what he’d figured out. They were all too focused on grief and terror to notice that Cisco was falling apart, even now, that dark circles rimmed his eyes and that exhaustion colored his every movement.

He wouldn’t add to that. Right now, they were all focused on a goal, even if it was the wrong one. And Cisco had made his choice, he was resigned to it and ready for it. He wouldn’t let the others hurt themselves trying to save him, too. It was better this way.

He knew it wasn’t worth it, could feel it in his bones and the heavy weight of his chest. He wouldn’t give them the impossible task.

The problem was that though the others were falling apart at the edges, Cynthia was as sharp as ever. She wasn’t distracted by the looming stress of someone dying, by Wally’s loss and Savitar’s presence looming over her. She had her problems, her stresses in the world but when they were alone her focus was on him alone.

And she could read him like a Goddamn book.

It was a blessing she didn’t call him out on it in the beginning of their date. They met on Earth-11, when Cynthia vibed him her location after an assignment. She’d stashed away her clothing and gotten into something more comfortable while waiting for him to ditch the others, and they’d agreed to make an evening of it. They’d wandered around for a while, they’d gone out for dinner and spent as much time as possible exploring the sights of a city in a world that Cisco knew he’d never see again.

She’d shot down the potential of trying Chicago Deep Dish pizza on every earth, but she’d made up with it by treating them to ice cream, taking his hand and walking close to his side as they roamed and staying just as close when they found a quiet place to sit in a park as the sun began to set.

She’d let him enjoy the peace of an evening with her.

She’d tucked herself close to his side on the bench, she hadn’t let go of his hand, and only when they were truly alone did she bring it up. “Something’s bothering you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. A simple fact spoken allowed and acknowledged for the first time in days. “Something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” An immediate denial, met with a doubtful sound at the words and Cynthia shook her head at him. She leaned into him a little more, her cheek against her shoulder and eyes dark and sharp as she looked up at him. He didn’t want to lie to her, and this was the first time he’d felt that way. “I mean it, Cynthia. There’s nothing wrong.”

“You’re lying,” Her voice was quiet still, calm but knowing. She was entirely too confident, and for a moment Cisco thought he could tell her everything. Maybe she could help him figure things out.

Or maybe she’d try to stop him.

“It’s nothing,” He insisted quietly, relaxing just a little when she let him wind an arm around her body, draw her closer and press a kiss to her hair. Cynthia was warm in his arms, solid and grounding in a way that nothing else was, real in ways he hadn’t realized that he’d missed. “You don’t have to worry about me. Promise.”

“It’s too late for that.” Cisco just shook his head, because of course it was, and sighed when warm fingers trailed over his side. She pulled away slowly, frowning at him and Cisco sighed at the look in her eyes, worry that radiated off of her. She probably didn’t deserve it, to have gotten attached for things to go this way. “It’s not just what happened to your friend, is it?”

“It’s related,” He allowed, “I’m just- Stressed. And tired, and...God. It’s kinda the normal for me, right now, I promise.” More half truths, enough to hopefully appease her, to make it so she wouldn’t dig too deep. “I don’t want you to worry about me, when we’ve been dealing with this for months.”

“I don’t believe you,” She said simply, voice quiet and low. “If I was a different person, I’d find out just what you were hiding.” Her gaze went sharp as fear twisted through his chest, but her touch gentled, fingers stroking along his cheek. “But I won’t. I’ll take your word, for now.”

Relief was palpable for a moment between them, and Cisco offered her a smile, taking her hand to lace their fingers together. She shouldn’t trust him, but she did. She looked like she thought it would be something to talk about, later, if only they would have one. “Thank you.”

“Yeah well,” She trailed off with a shrug, leaned in, and drew Cisco down for a soft kiss. “Just. Consider telling me, if you need me, won’t you? I’m kind of fond of you. And I’m kind of looking forward to keeping you for as long as I can.”

 

Despite the reassurances that she wanted him to tell her what was going on, Cisco couldn’t bring himself to do it. Days passed, and every time he thought of Cynthia the guilt was more overwhelming than lying to the team. But he said nothing still. He tried to prepare, to work out the best way to get everything done.

He wrote another letter to his parents. He wrote one to Iris, and told her not to blame herself. One to Joe, promising that to protect his family was worth what he was giving up in return and to thank him for being a friend and a father both. Caitlin and Barry each got longer ones, and for the first time he managed to vocalize his hurt and what they meant to him. He could only hope they understood.

He wrote a letter to Professor Stein, with what he’d need to access the research Cisco had done over the years, and to thank him for the encouragement he’d given him since they’d met. He wrote one to Cynthia, and he apologized for lying to her, and for leaving her. He hoped she could understand.

The day had come. They needed to be ready. Cisco could feel it in his bones.

“I’ll be more useful back here,” He’d offered when Barry and HR and even Julian had gotten ready, the latter two armed and ready to try and take Savitar town. “I’ll track Savitar, if we’re lucky. Maybe I can get an edge, somehow.”

He picked up what was left of Wally’s suit, the emblem cool against his fingers, and nearly cried. He could feel Wally in his bones. Screaming, begging for help, and Cisco knew what had to come next. If he could manage this, maybe the day would be more of a victory than he thought.

He knew what it was like, to lose a sibling. He hadn’t considered it a possibility before. But maybe Iris wouldn’t have to live with that.

“We’re in position.” He’d left Joe and Caitlin and Jesse in the lab, all too unstable to be let back into field just yet. He’d slipped into his uniform, tucked Wally’s emblem against his chest beneath his uniform. If Savitar came, they’d be waiting for them. Cisco would be ready as well.

“Barry!”

Cisco fixated on Iris as her voice came through the com, focused on her with every ounce of his power that he could. Barry’s voice was white noise in his ear and without thought, Cisco acted.

A breach opened and Cisco shifted through it, already working to open a second. He stepped back, shoved Iris through it and Savitar grabbed him now. Anger bled off the speedster, radiated off of him in waves as Cisco was lifted, choking back fear as the breach that had sent Iris to the lab closed.

“You lose, Savitar.” Somehow his voice stayed steady, even as Cisco tried to figure out why the hell no one was shooting. Had he thrown them off that much? “It’s like you said. It’s time I stop playing tech support.”

Savitar’s hand was there, his blade rushing forward and Cisco threw everything he had into getting both hands up. He’d done this with Wally a handful of times, temporarily severing his connection to the speedforce. But with Savitar it was different. Harder to fight through, and so much more of a battle.

But the shock of it threw him off. Pain seared through Cisco’s shoulder, but it was enough that he could still breathe. That all he could focus on was the pain searing through him, the rush of adrenaline and his heart pounding in his chest.

Fear had always been the trigger for his powers. Fear had always made him stronger.

Wally’s emblem was still against his skin, Wally was still there, screaming for help, for anyone to hear him. And this wasn’t the first time Cisco had tried to pull a Speedster from the Speed Force. Maybe his body wouldn’t survive the stress of this. But the West’s could remain whole if he could pull this off.

Iris wouldn’t have to lose her brother. Iris wouldn’t know his pain.

He’d never done this before. He’d never tried to focus two on two parts of his powers at once. Savitar dropped him, his blade pulled free and there was too much blood, but Cisco stayed standing, if only barely just, stepped forward, refused to let him go anywhere. He would stay. He would take Wally’s place.

He could feel Wally everywhere. He reached out with every ounce of focus he could find, hands shaking from the strain of using his powers. His gauntlets cracked under the intensity of it as a breach opened, as he reached for it, power rolling from it in waves as he called for Wally, trying to draw him to where he needed to be.

There was light behind him, bright blue that gave way to a stunning red and all Cisco could focus on for a moment was rage. He couldn’t look at Cynthia, didn’t have to, because he was aware of her in ways he’d never been before, more in tune with his abilities than ever before. She was furious, with him, with Savitar, it didn’t matter. What mattered was she was there.

She knew what he was doing. What he was after. She held Savitar in place, unrelenting and unforgiving as Cisco reached into the breach, calling out with everything that he had. Energy burned his fingers, his gauntlets shattered and cracks were spider webbing along the edges of his goggles.

Wally’s hand was shaking as he took Cisco’s. He was shaking apart, the Speed Force was pulling at him, trying to draw him back in and Cisco knew that it was time. “Now!” He didn’t know if the words came out or if Cynthia just knew him and what he needed as he struggled to hold fast, to keep Wally with him, to keep them both from being dragged into the vortex as his nose began to bleed and his body shook beyond his control, pushed beyond it’s limits.

The air shuddered with power, the ground beneath them trembled and Cynthia forced Savitar through the rapidly widening breach as Cisco put everything he had into pulling Wally out. The force of it was too much, for a moment Cisco was certain they’d fail as Savitar tried to claw at them.

And then he was gone, and Wally was free, his hand still clasped too tightly in Cisco’s.

He was shaking and pale, hardly able to stand. But Wally West was alive.

Cisco hadn’t lost his brother again.

For a moment he could focus on nothing but the relief of the moment, the feeling of victory as Barry rushed forward and the world spun around him. And then it was Cynthia who wrapped her arms around him, supported him as his legs collapsed, his body gave out and the world went dark.

 

Cisco awoke to the feeling of anger and the sound of distant yelling. The next thing to register was pain searing through him, dull and numbed, enough to let him know that Caitlin had broken out the good drugs for this.

It took him a moment to realize Wally was in the cot next to his own, asleep and hooked up to an IV line but alive. Iris was next to his bed, sound asleep with her hand in his own.

Careful, Cisco forced himself to sit despite how the world swam around him, and took stock of his body. His right hand was bandaged still. He couldn’t move his left shoulder without more pain than he had any right to feel. But his heart was still beating, he was still alive.

The tile was cool beneath his feet and Cisco was careful to make sure he wasn’t hooked up to anything as he shuffled from the bed, glad someone had gotten him into a pair of pants. Either way, this was a little embarrassing, a little shameful, but now he wouldn’t have to worry about mooning anyone as he made his way to where the others were, clumsy and uncoordinated.

His bed sounded so much better than standing. But something told Cisco that if he did stay there, Cynthia would probably end up killing someone. And he’d worked far too hard to keep them all alive to let them die.

The yelling cut off abruptly before he could enter the room, though, and when he nudged the door open he had the brief thought that she was going to kill him. “Cyn-”

She dragged a chair over to him, and if the leg knocked into HR while she was moving, Cisco wasn’t going to call her out on it. He sank into it, grateful, and didn’t try to fight it when her fingers brushed his cheek and she scowled at him. It was just a little terrifying, enough to take away from the fact she was wearing one of his jackets and his shirt, beneath it. “You’re an idiot.”

“I’m aware.” Her fingers were gentle on his jaw still, light and easy and Cynthia leaned in, lips brushing against his forehead, soft and sweet despite the words. “I’m sorry.”

“I know why you did it,” Her voice dropped, nearly inaudible as she tucked his hair behind his ear. “I read your letter. But.” And there was a moment of too long silence between them where Cisco was painfully aware of the others, all watching them. “You are worth so much more than this, Cisco. How many times do I have to tell you, there’s nobody-”

The words made his chest ache, vulnerable and he leaned into her a little, not trusting himself to move either hand to reach for her. His face must have said it all though, because Cynthia went quiet, fingers rubbing along the back of his neck before he spoke. “How did you know?”

“You’re a horrible liar,” She shot Caitlin and Barry both dirty looks, everything going tense for a moment before she kept speaking. “I knew you were hiding something. So I told my commander I needed time off to meditate and clear my mind. And took two weeks.”

“You’ve been watching me?”

“Just waiting. I felt it, when you opened those breaches so quickly. I knew it was time, I just didn’t realize you were being quite so- So sacrificial.” There’s another word she wants to use, Cisco could see it in her eyes, and knew without being told they’d talk about that, later. “Some of us have eyes and common sense.” Her voice gentled. “I couldn’t lose you. No matter what you thought.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment and neither did Cisco. For a moment it didn’t matter that they had an audience, not when she was looking at him like that, open and honest. “But you understand why.”

“I understand doing what you have to, for family.” She agreed quietly, finally stepping away, enough to stand behind his chair instead. “I’m just wondering if-”

“Hey, hey, we get it.” And that was Joe, speaking for the first time, standing and he looked just as ashamed as the others, really. But he could meet Cisco’s gaze, at least, and the gratitude in his eyes made Cisco’s heart ache. “I don’t think you could make any of us feel worse than we do.”

“I could try,” Cynthia offered dryly, but with a little less heat to her voice as Joe approached. Cisco wanted to stand, shifted to, but everyone moved forward a little to stop him though all it had taken was gentle pressure from Cynthia’s hand on his good shoulder to make him still. 

Joe ignored her and Cisco couldn’t help but wish that he hadn’t because it’d be so much easier to listen to them bicker than this. The weight of Joe’s gaze on him is heavy and painful and Cisco couldn’t shake it off. 

“Thank you,” There’s so much behind the words that Cisco doesn’t think Joe can put into words. They’ve been something close to partners for a while now., working together as a team at Star Labs, for the CCPD, and he knows Joe isn’t the best at this. That the guilt in his eyes might be all he can manage for what he didn’t say. “I never would have- You didn’t have to.”

And it’s laughable, really. Because of course Joe would have never asked this of him, of course he didn’t have to. Careful, unwilling to hurt himself too much, Cisco reached out to clasp Joe’s arm briefly. “It was worth it. Even if Cynthia didn’t come, your family-”

“You’re family, too.” The words hit a little too hard and Cisco could only blink up at the other man for a moment. “If we ever made you doubt-”

“It isn’t that,” And Cisco doesn’t know if he should comfort Joe, if Joe wants to comfort him, but he found himself wishing to hell that he could just hug the other man without it hurting. “It was just. I knew-” Cynthia’s hand squeezed his good shoulder, kept him grounded and he settled under her touch slowly. “I’ll remember, if there’s ever a next time.”

“There’d better not be a next time.” Cisco couldn’t make himself blame Joe for sounding like he’s just on the edge of hysterical at the thought. “But if it is. Not this- Not again.” He said it firmly, like it’s a new rule, and for a moment Cisco let himself savor the thought of someone looking out for him. “Next time we find another way. It doesn’t end like this could’ve.”

Cisco nodded, unable to stop how his gaze glanced over HR and Julian, over the thought that they don’t belong here at all, except for that Cynthia was defending his honor. Instead it was Caitlin and Barry that he focused on next, heart aching in his chest at how they look at him. It’s like they’re just seeing him for the first time, and he suspects they haven’t really seen them since all of this began.

They were a trio, once. Three people who relied on each other above all else, and now? Now he couldn’t help but think they’d never recover that again. He couldn’t trust Caitlin anymore, and Barry? Well, Barry had shown Cisco where he stood time and time again. Logically he knew they loved him as much as he’d loved them. But emotionally, everything was different now.

“I made the right decision,” He said simply, “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I didn’t die.” Cynthia’s hand shook minutely against his shoulder. “But it’s the decision I’d make again, if I had to.” He bites back a stinging comment despite himself, thinks ‘Ronnie died a hero and I would have to’, but he won’t do that to Caitlin, in the same way he won’t remind them it wouldn’t be the first time he died.

“We would have found a better way,” Barry said finally, “If you would have just-”

“Maybe so,” Cisco shrugged a little, grimaced at the ache in his body at the movement. “Or you would’ve stopped me, would’ve made it about you when it was about Iris and Wally.” He frowned at his friends, went quiet for a moment and when he finally spoke it was with a heavy sigh. “Besides, it’s like she said. I was preparing to die. And you never even…”

Caitlin’s eyes went tight with grief and Barry dropped his gaze. “Can you forgive us?” She asked quietly. “For well- For missing everything?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Cisco said simply, shaking his head at the thought. “But it’s something I won’t forget, either.”

 

He’d expected Cynthia to go home right away, but she didn’t. A few days became a week, became two, and when it finally came down to it, Cisco had asked her. Why hadn’t she gone home, yet? Surely she had to, right? Even if he desperately needed help as his body healed, there were always people for that. The Wests had come over every other day, bringing food and occasionally movies, and he and Wally were closer than ever after what had happened.

And only when pressed, had she caved. “I might have caught a little attention,” She confessed, when he’d pushed because he knew her two weeks was up, now. “In helping you defeat Savitar. They know I meddled in the affairs of another Earth. That I came here. They felt what we had to do, to trap him in the Speed Force.”

Immediately, Cisco was ready for a second fight to the death, he’d leapt up and Cynthia had drawn him down for a soft kiss, gentle and relaxed in ways he wouldn’t have thought she could be with something like this hanging over her. “I won’t let them, not when you-”

“Cisco,” Her voice was as calming as her touch and Cisco let her push him back down into his chair. “They won’t come for me. I told you. My collection record is flawless.” She paused for a beat, just a little smug. “They know I wouldn’t go without a fight. Who do you send after your former-best Collector? Especially after a display of power like that?”

Oh.

“So you’re safe?” He clarified, “Cause if I’ve gotta, I will. You know I will, for you. No matter what.”

“I know,” Cynthia soothed, settling in his lap and careful not to put any weight on his injured arm. “But you won’t have to. The only thing you have to do, is help me set up an identity here.” She paused for a beat, “And maybe not kick me out.”

Cisco laughed at that, easy and relaxed, and for a moment it was all he could do to pull her down this time, to kiss her until the feeling of her against him was all he could focus on. “I never want you to leave.” He said quietly in response, “I want a future, with you. You know that, don’t you?”

Cynthia’s only response was to tap her fingers against his jaw, fingers stroking through his hair slowly. They both knew they were big words, for a man who hadn’t thought he’d have a future, two weeks ago. Who would have given up everything, so that someone else could have one.

They both knew that he meant them, too. 

“I’ve known that since the beginning,” Cynthia said softly as she kissed him again. “I’ve wanted it since the beginning.” She corrected, “It’s just one more reason I’ll always fight for us, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Like usual, please come scream at me about Cisco or the flash at my [Tumblr](http://ciscoramonwrites.tumblr.com)


End file.
